Jeff Phillips: Do Nuts, Ya Sweet Chili Floaters

Drinkers with Writing Problems

One time Fats Hugo was pissed at all of his friends because they seemed to always find ways to laugh at him. They teased him not only for his weight, but his lack of comfort with the 55 pound weight gain he had within a calendar year. It was, of course, awkward for him; there was this whole other mass for him to get used to maneuvering around with, and it didn’t help to see the constant mimicry of the way he carried himself.

He made these donuts with what he called a “suggestive” nut. He crushed and pressed them into the chocolate glaze. He offered them as a dessert.

“Donuts.” He said.

“Do. Nuts.” He growled at anyone that tried to refuse.

This “suggestive” nut was a rare one from the Amazon rain forest, with a more scientific name of anacardium chukli. Most everyone, any normal person, is actually…

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